My Life and Some Letters

Why, when I was your age nothing but a dose of clap would have done for me.’ вЂCaptain, I would be glad if you would not reminisce in front of Gerry,’ said Mother firmly. вЂIt hasn’t affected the old manhood, has it?’ asked the captain with concern. вЂTerrible when it gets you in the crutch. Can ruin a man’s sex life, mumps in the crutch.’ вЂLarry is perfectly all right, thank you,’ said Mother with dignity. вЂTalking of crutches,’ said the captain, вЂhave you heard about the young Hindu virgin from Kutch, who kept two tame snakes in her crutch, she said when they wriggle, it’s a bit of a giggle, but my boyfriends don’t like my crutch much. Ha ha ha!’ вЂReally, captain!’ said Mother, outraged, вЂI do wish you wouldn’t recite poetry in front of Gerry.’ вЂGot your mail when I was passing the post office,’ the captain went on, oblivious of Mother’s strictures, pulling some letters and cards out of his pocket and tossing them on to the bed. вЂMy, they’ve got a nice little bit serving in there now ...»